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Pre-Cana

In order to have a Catholic Wedding there are some hoopse that you have to jump through. Having been raised Catholic most of those hoops were expected and almost everyone single one of them is tedious. The most tedious of these is the Pre-Cana class.

I’m no longer Catholic, I don’t even consider myself religious or even spiritual* but the Catholic wedding is important to the families and since it isn’t too hard to accomplish this we are going through the hoops. Today was the pre-cana.

Unlike most of the hoops, this isn’t just bureaucratic, it is something that you have to go to and suffer through. I know of no person that has enjoyed this, devout or otherwise.

Essentially the pre-cana is a class concerning marriage and how one behaves while in a marriage. The obvious objection first: it isn’t led by a priest. A priest supervises the whole thing but for the most part the whole deal is done by volunteer couples from the Parish/Diocese. There is a deeper problem with this thing.

My fiancee, Laura, said awhile ago that the class seemed like it is past it’s time. That it belonged to an age when marriages were arranged between families and the couple hadn’t met before. This seems to be the most relevant criticism since the subjects coverred seemed to be the most basic relationship stuff that anyone could think of.

If Laura was my first girlfriend, and we hand’t been dating, and we also hadn’t known each other for going on ten years it might have seemed the least bit relevant. However, this time period isn’t the time, nor is this the culture in which you have to tell people that two way communication is one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship.

The most uncomfortable part was when we divided into little groups and were asked what part god played in our relationship. This was the question I knew was coming (since they telegraphed everything with a little worksheet before the groups) and was gearing up for a conversation. I answered that since I was a secular humanist (i.e. fancy atheist) god didn’t play any role in my life. I further continued by explaining that I wasn’t anti-religious and that if the baby was going to church I wasn’t the type to stop them (unless they were going to either Scientologist or Raelien services). Immediately you could see the group leader’s face deflate.

He had geared up for a fight when he heard the word “atheist” but upon the second half of my answer I took all the wind out of his sails. He couldn’t argue with me because I wasn’t going to stop anyone’s religion. Instead he took out his frustration on the person sitting next to me who was having a slight disagreement about their wedding and a deacon that she really wanted to perform the service.

Other than bit of fun, the day went by excrutiatingly slowly. It was boring, almost offensive in it’s simplicity but if you are Catholic or are planning on marrying one you have no choice.

*My opinion of agnosticism is that it is a cop out. I’ll explain in a possible later post if someone reminds me.

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Categories: personal update, religion
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