Home > Gwendolyn, personal update > Bitey bitey monster

Bitey bitey monster

Gwen’s first birthday is fast approaching. I can’t believe that it’s been a year, not because it has flown by but rather because so much has occurred that it’s hard to believe it’s only been a year. I haven’t written about her in awhile so I figure that it is time for an update and we’ll base the different fragments of this post on the various nicknames I call her…I know this idea is a lot more interesting in my head than it is going to be on the screen.

Grendolyn/the Destroyer: We thought that calling her “little Grendel” was funny when she was just weeks old and she would scream and cry. Little did we know how apt the nickname would be. Her favorite thing to do is destroy. She rips apart books, tears through papers, and will completely dismantle any attempt at organization in mere seconds. People have told me that it is because she is curious and wants to see, I completely disagree based on the malevolently cute smile she has on her face when she does it–she’s happy. She also has this unusual habit of placing something in her hand and then squeezing it until her arm shakes from the exertion. Then whatever pulp is left in her hand will casually drop from it whereupon she does her best to cast it away from her leaving her poor tired father to attempt to find it.

Little Orc: As per the title of this post we have five teeth to which nothing apparently tastes better than a mouth full of man flesh. She’s drawn blood a couple of times and leaves marks other times. The problem here is that she has decided, in her Loki-like mind, to also give kisses and raspberries on our arms as well, this means that when her lips plant themselves on our body we don’t know what’s about to happen. We don’t want to discourage the sweetness or the cuteness so it becomes a difficult line to walk.

Les Petite en Fille: Roughly translated it means “the little girl” in French, but the common usage is to refer to one’s girlfriend. I have called her this on the few occasions when she tries to kiss me, it’s awfully sweet and for a cold hearted individual like myself it sure does have that melting effect. Gwen doesn’t give little pecks on the lips or the cheek, no, she opens her mouth real wide sticks her tongue out and then places that on my face, then the chewing of my lip begins. It’s a very queer experience indeed.

Poop-Monster: this one is pretty self-explanatory.

The Black Hole: comedian Louis C.K. remarked once about how his daughter is so heavy for her size that it’s like she has the density of the dying sun. How can something that small weigh so much? Gwen is pretty tall for her age so her weight isn’t so much of a mystery. This refers more to the amount the girl can pack away at feeding time. Tonight she ate half a sausage, some portion of stuffed shells (so much ended up on her face that it’s hard to guage how much she ate) with Ricotta cheese, oatmeal, and then milk. I don’t think that I could eat that much, and it doesn’t seem to go anywhere either. I get that her body is probably at its most efficient drawing out building proteins and energy the likes of which we should all be so lucky, but it still seems like a lot.

Superstar: I take her out with me a lot, and for the most part it’s quite painless. We go to the store, the bookstore, and mostly the coffee shop where she proceeds to wave, smile, and flirt with everyone that walks by. I like it because if she’s busy I can read. It’s getting to the point where if I go to the coffee shop without her the workers seem disappointed. I’m obviously the co-star in this relationship.

Little Monkey: This is my favorite nickname for her because it’s the one I use when we are playing around, when she clutches on to me before she starts flirting with the public, and when we are just slouching on the couch trying to find a cartoon that we can both watch (she’s quite particular). People ask me why I call her monkey and I don’t need to reply as she usually just ends up proving it out.

Now that I think about it I guess I could just call her Gwen. We taught her some sign language, which I had to learn myself. She knows the signal for “more” but lately I think she does it when she just wants food. She can’t have more until she’s had one right? I suppose that aspect of linquistics might be a bit advanced for her. Then again, I did catch her reading the Prince and snapped a shot on my cell phone, so who knows?

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Categories: Gwendolyn, personal update
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