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Snowmargeddon

I didn’t hear the three Roosters and their crows, nor did I hear the harp of Egther, yet these things must have passed for the fimbulvtr is upon us. For three years, there shall be no sun, no break in the relentless onslaught of the winter snow. For the wolf Skoll shall have snatched the sun its dreaded maw not to release it until the final days. The child and I searched, searched, and searched in vain for the world tree Yggdrassil to hide in Hoddmimir’s wood before the world serpent awakes to survive this, the end of the days…

…Or perhaps not. Cracked.com a couple of weeks ago had an article that described weathermen as being members of two archtypes: Michael Bay and Captain Obvious. The Captain Obvious types are the ones that predict temperature in the low 30s and upper 20s for the month of Frebruary, as if this was an astounding revelation that no one else could have ever made. Or they predict rain in April, snow in December…you get the idea.

The other camp, the Michael Bays, apparently all live in Western New York and could take a lesson from the above group. They have been predicting a storm to hit my area that would be so off the charts that it can only be measured in terms of the Eddas’ prediction of the end of fucking days. I should mention to my readers not familiar with Western New York that it comprises the cities of Rochester and Buffalo and the area in between them. Two cities that, unlike NYC, Washington DC, and Boston are used to snow being in the forecast and heavy snow at that.

So what is this dreaded forecast that will herald the downfall of the All-Father and Thor, leading to the eventual release of Balder from the pit of Hel? 4 to 7 Inches from Thursday to Friday, with another possible 1-2 inches Friday evening. That means that roughly, even if the high estimate is correct that 1 inch an hour will fall on the area. For comparison’s sake look at the last knuckle on your thumb, that is a approximately one inch*, that amount of snow will take one hour to fall on the ground.

The wind gusts are the more worrisome, as they expect them to peak from anywhere between 15mph to 30mph, which would cause huge snowdrifts if it weren’t for the heavy wet snow that is going to fall which the wind won’t be able to carry in any significant fashion. This would be more of an inconvenience if it weren’t for the fact that the entire weekend is supposed to have temperatures several degrees above freezing which will more than likely nullify the accumulation of snow.

But to hear it from the weathermen, it would seem that Thor better start lacing up his boots and sheathing Mjolnir for battle with the leviathan. This type of prediction just sends people into a panic, the term blizzard was nixed in the paper for the phrase, “Hurricane of Snow” which carries the sense of panic that these meteor”ologists”** want to happen. Which of course sends the general public, too forgetful to remember that snow does tend to fall East of the Great Lakes, to the grocery store to stock up on water, food, and shovels in order to dig themselves out of the several inches that are supposed to fall.

Don’t panic people this sort of thing tends to happen. Let’s get some weathermen fired, if that’s at all possible.

*And the source of the saying, “Rule of thumb.”
**I barely recognize the television brand of this as a science.

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Categories: daily complaint, rant
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