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Circus Maximus

If the New York gubernatorial debate showed us anything, it was that the current state of US Democracy simply doesn’t work. When Carl Paladino doesn’t come off as the craziest person running for Governor you know there is a problem. Back in 2005/2006 being in Toledo watching the mayoral elections with the crazy bible thumping prophetess of doom telling people that god would punish the city if they didn’t vote for her and the Garth Brooks clone who gave his opening statement in a song, I remember thinking to myself “this wouldn’t happen in New York.”

By the Ravens of Odin, this is New York. Our current system of just having enough signatures on the ballot has shown its flaws. Or maybe it isn’t the system, it’s the people…yes it is probably the people of this state who are at fault. After all, any idiot can want to run for office, but it takes a special kind of idiot to sign a piece of paper that says, “yes, I want you to be governor here’s my signature.”

Who am I to say that we should have a qualification system to run for office? I guess it’s just my silly academic ivory tower elitism that says, “if you want a job you should know at least what that job is, or what it can and cannot do.”

Specifically I’m looking at the guy running on the “Rent is Too Damn High” Party line (seriously–that’s the name of the party) Jimmy McMillan and his seriously intimidating beard. You know who doesn’t control the rent of everyone who has an apartment in New York State? Answer: The New York Government. Furthermore take a little glance at a map of this state, see how most of the state is not located on that little thing that juts out into the sea, and a surrounding area just to the left of it? See how there is this whole section of the state? Yeah most of that is not rent controlled, most of that is occupied by people who also pay rent, but don’t live in New York City. There are even people that own their homes…but I do like your stance on shoe marriage I can stand behind that. Plus that beard is something else, on the internet alone you would win among readers of Something Awful and Cracked.

My professor today endorsed Kristin Davis, the former madame who is basically bragging about the fact that she ran a prostitution ring and is therefore the only person qualified to run the state. At least she came prepared, as opposed to Paladino who looked like he was still sweating off a hangover. I’ll say this about her, she’s got a lot of balls running for office. Allegedly she is the one that supplied former Governor Spitzer with his prostitute, which led him to resign, which meant the “sheriff of Wall Street” couldn’t be there to regulate the financial district, which sinkholed the NY economy, which led to his replacement making loads of unpopular (but necessary) decisions, which gave us this circus to begin with. The whole situation in NY can be directly linked to Spitzer’s resignation and she has the balls to ask us to vote for her? Fuck you.

Furthermore she is about as unrealistic as the Green Party’s candidate Howie Hawkins. The US attorney has already told California that any attempt to legalize marijuana won’t be federally legal, but Davis apparently doesn’t read the news. Although I am curious if her promises to legalize both prostitution and gambling are legal, and I think as long as you don’t take a hooker across state lines you are federally kosher.

Hawkins, and the Green Party? Ugh, they have decent, if impractical ideas. It would be nice if we had a single payer system, but it’s not going to happen. It would also be nice if I didn’t have to pay for school, but again…it’s not going to happen. Like Bill Clinton said back in his election run–it’s the economy stupid. We don’t have the money, and even if we did the right wingers wouldn’t let you spend a time on a poor person anyway.

Carl Paladino’s problem is that he has no position on anything. He’s just mad, he’s going to stop corruption, he’s going to end the tyranny of Albany, etc. These are things that I could get behind if I saw any kind of plan or policy in place that would contribute anything to his slogans. Anger isn’t a policy position, neither is being against the establishment for the sake of not being the establishment, just ask John Kerry how that worked out for him in 2004. I guess the only bright spot for him was that he didn’t screw up. Almost like Sarah Palin in the VP debate, almost…she messed up.

Andrew Cuomo is like a guy planning to get drunk playing beer pong while everyone else is pounding shots of Bacardi 151. He wants to get to the same place as everyone else but he’s the only one on a schedule. The guy isn’t the best possible governor we could get, but he’s the best candidate. It must be nice for him to be able to explain his policy positions without one opponent questioning them or offering another solution. Too bad the general population of the state doesn’t care about policy or position.

Categories: current events, politics
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